Missing Mum - weddings without a parent
One recent Friday afternoon I had a lovely unexpected afternoon off and decided to go get the trotters painted. Whilst sitting waiting for my turn on the magic massaging chair I was entranced by a lovely couple having their nails done. My bat wing ears allowed me to eavesdrop and I’m sorry to say this is a past time I vastly enjoy so I find it hard to apologise for. The younger of the two was due to be married the next day and she was there enjoying the day before pampering sesh with her mum.
This moment was so thoughtful and poignant and it struck me that I never even realised I missed this tender moment until it was played out before me. I must have known, on some level, I was missing out on such rights of passage but to view this interplay between mother and daughter made me quite sad and my thoughts turned to our brides going through these griefs now and over the next few months.
Don’t feel too sorry for me I had a day off because I was off on my holibops the very next day - I’m not asking you to cry for me on this one its just it struck me that recently we have had a lot of brides experiencing exactly the same thing and my heart goes out to them. Some missing a dad, some missing a mum, sadly some missing both and I felt the need to share that should you be struggling right now then you are not alone.
I cannot tell you how to get through the wedding itself, or even the preparation beforehand, and don't let anyone else tell you either. This is an exceptionally personal grief that you should be allowed to handle in your own way. That's not to say I cannot give you some handy hints and tips that worked for me!
My own mum passed when I was 21. She was the dictionary definition of the life and soul and would have taken a second mortgage out to fund additional wedding prep. Ensuring I had the time of my life. This meant for me the best way to honour that memory was to surround myself with fun and joy as much as possible, as well as make sure I sunk a bottle of bud on my hen do in honour of her!
I chose not to "suffer" the prep alone, I brought in my aunt, close family, friends and a crazy (and I mean crazy) nan! I involved as many people as possible in all aspects and focused on them and their enjoyment as well as my own. I went overboard going to specially organised cake tastings, a massive waste of money for me but a great day out. I booked in spa days and pre wedding day afternoon tea. There was no limit to how busy I made myself. I invited all my family on my hen do to Tenerife, people that massively reminded me of my mum all the ti